September 2, 2012 by mypen2013
I remember the first time that my wife disagreed with me. I became furious. I thought the most difficult words to hear my wife say were…“I hear you but I don’t agree with you”. Upon hearing these words, I often responded by accusing my wife of not being submissive. I wanted to be right and that was that. This would hurt my wife deeply. Especially since her strongest desire was to fulfill the biblical definition of being submissive.
Growing up I had been taught to believe that submissiveness was a term for women only. Most male teachers in the church often hammered their pulpits insisting that a man was to Lord over his wife in all things. This generally meant that the man’s opinion was the final authority of the home. The man would determine how his wife dressed and when she would speak along with many other things. Although this damaging teaching is evidently unbiblical, many husbands enter into relationships assuming this level of lordship is appropriate. In many more cases men understand the true meaning of being submissive yet their insecurities and hunger for control pushes them to overlook biblical submissiveness in exchange for total domination.
Often I would chat with females from across the world. I preferred chatting rather then seeing the actual videos and pictures of woman. On the other side of the computer I could become anything I wanted. The ability to fabricate my age, my looks, personality, situation and possessions gave me a unique sense of power and control. I was able to become all things to many of the women I had encountered.
One woman I encountered online lived in very poor area of Hong Kong. She often expressed her desires of moving to the United States of America. I thought if I could some how get her into the states that she would become my wife and be solely dependent upon me. I often fantasized about teaching her how to use a remote control and guiding her through the maze of fast food restaurants in our country. I did not care what this woman looked like nor did I care about any of her inner qualities. The one thing I thought to be most appealing was her willingness to depend to anyone that could help her adjust to our culture.
During this period of my life, I thought my desire to have someone depend on me was quite normal. Even at the age of six I would think about marrying women who were handicapped. I figured that because of their handicaps, the women in some way would have to depend on me. I had no idea that the abuse and various forms of rejection I experienced throughout my life would cause me to depend on the dependency of others.