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September 2, 2012 by mypen2013

Perhaps one of the most recognized bible characters was a man named Job. He endured so much suffering that his own wife pleaded with him to curse the God of the universe.

I often think of Job when it comes to marriage and men. Here’s why. In the midst of one of the most suffering experiences in the bible, Job was visited by three of his closest friends. This visit was prompted after Job’s friends learned of the death of his children among other things. But something unique happened that is often overlooked in sermons and daily conversations of devotion.

Jobs friends visited him only to sit with him in silence for seven days and nights not saying a single word to Job (Job 2:13). You see there are some marriages that have reached a point where reconciliation seems impossible. Both man and woman have experienced so much trauma and tragedy in their marriage that both or one of them is at the brink of no return.

Unfortunately, people are quick to give their advice to men and women who are committed to divorce. Here’s my opinion regarding those who are quick to speak (James 1:19). Like Job’s friends, I think some friends need to just be quiet and let God be God.

Recently, I overheard a man saying awful things about his wife to another man. Immediately, the man who was listening began to say that the bitter man needed to do more of his wife’s love language and pray for his wife. That’s when it hit me. A man who’s heart is bitter, full of resentment and completely turned from his wife can do everything externally for his wife but that wont soften his heart nor teach him how to truly love her. Forget who may be considered at fault for the condition of his marriage, the point is, his heart is hard. 

One of the hardest things to change in the world is a wounded man’s heart. I am a classic case. My inability to properly communicate to my wife, along with my jealousies, anger and resentment led me into a dark hardened state of being.

Let’s take my wife out of the equation all together. Let’s just deal with me. I knew I contributed to many of the negative aspects of my marriage. There were many times which I was convinced that my marriage was over. Yes, I tried the love letters, flowers, cleaning the house and more. Unfortunately, speaking my wife’s love language was not enough. I needed healing on the inside.

My wife, after thanking for being more attentive to her external desires, expressed her reoccurring feelings of a disconnect. That’s when I realized that I can follow everybody’s advice but until I was willing to make a commitment to get healing on the inside, nothing anybody else would matter. I was doing everything I knew how to do but nothing I did changed me on the inside.

You see, Job’s friends could have said a lot or they could have remained quiet. Which they did. When a man reaches that point where he divorces his wife on the inside, he then has to have an experience with God. Man to Man…God and him. No amount of chocolate, roses, sex or laundry can soften his heart.

Every wounded man will have to have a heart transplant (Ezekiel 36:26). Moses’ greatest challenge was not Pharaoh himself, rather it was his heart (Exodus 7:13). It took Pharaoh loosing his first born son for him to have a change of heart (Exodus 12:29). 

What I am saying is that we should not depend on our own words or works to save our marriage but God’s grace (Ephesians 2:8). God’s ability and willingness to change our heart is true grace. My desire is that men would change their hearts before they loose something closer than a son…but a wife.

Maybe we can learn a lot from Jobs friends. One who has been infected by a hardened heart can do almost anything and experience almost anything, but it takes a all God moment to turn that heart back to his wife.

If this topic sounds like your marriage, how do you stay when your spouse has turned from you?


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